Dear Rich Family,
Ok, let’s start with the fact that this first entry is for the sleepy girls. There are so many misconceptions of burnout that I have been coming to revelations with over the past few years of my life. A multitude of life changes & events occurred simultaneously, and I’ll discuss them throughout these entries. No matter what your challenges have been, burnout, grief, or long-term over-functioning, by now you’ve realized that the kind of rest you need can’t be cured by a nap or a vacation. It’s that sick and tired of being sick and tired kind of feeling that you feel in your bones. These challenges have affected your identity, emotional regulation, motivation, creativity, and sense of self, and you can no longer ignore them. You realize that sometimes achievement is just a band-aid for feeling dissatisfied and that a lot of people are walking around successful and sad; the kind of sad no bath bomb, extra square feet, or white sand beach can fix.
I don’t believe in doing more when the mind, body, and spirit are often asking for rest. In order to fully repair our emotional structure and our boundaries, before we can begin to move into environments that support care, or give ourselves permission to stop performing survival. We must rest. But if sleep won’t fix it, what will?
Baby, there are different kinds of rest, and perhaps you’ve been giving yourself too much of one while neglecting the others.
Physical rest is the prime activity of restoring your body’s energy and can include prioritizing 6-8 hours or even taking a cat nap. It can also include getting a massage, or improving your sleep habits like no screens one hour before you wind down for the night. This is different from the mental rest your brain needs from being active for long ass periods, I’m looking at you overthinkers. Remember when our moms used to be like, “ Be quiet, I can’t hear myself think!”? I get it now. Finding time to quiet your thoughts can actually be taking your lunch break, or some low-stakes activities like doing puzzles or folding that laundry that has been lying around on that chair. My favorite thing to do is to journal; just a few pages a day gives everything up there somewhere to go and can fundamentally improve your mental health. I could go on about journaling, but I’ll save that for another day. I want to include in this that my Nana has been doing crossword puzzles for as long as I can remember, at her kitchen table while she enjoys her breakfast. She’ll be 91 in just a few days, she’s as sharp as a tack, and while she leads a predominantly healthy lifestyle, I believe that mental rest is a key component to her current brain health.
This is for the girls who get it. The girls who have been holding it together for everyone else for far too long. The girls who say yes to others but no to themselves a little too often. The girls who live on DND. Allow yourself to receive more emotional rest by saying no to emotional labor, setting limits and boundaries with anything or anyone that drains you, and distancing yourself from the demands, conversations, and experiences that deplete you. Because, for what?? Introverts, especially you. This may even spill over into needing more social rest. Stop letting people guilt-trip you for wanting to spend time alone just because THEY get recharged by the crowd. Nuh uh. And my spiritual girlies, you already know the vibes. The vampires will literally suck your energy dry and have the nerve to ask for more! Schedule fewer activities during the week, schedule intentional time with yourself, and know that the RIGHT connections will feel reciprocal and restorative.
My girlfriend sometimes calls me Radio Raheem because it’s rare that you’ll catch me without my headphones on. IDC, we were never meant for all of this stimulation! Everything is so noisy and baby my senses be overwhelmed. Chile, sometimes (oftentimes) even clothes irritate me so badly, and there’s no way I’m hitting a flow-state in these sensory constraints. And yes, I am on the spectrum. Taking breaks from anything that relies on my senses to register is CRUCIAL, hello fellow bookworms and writers! That’s why I love Threads so much, please give us more quiet apps. Sensory rest is non-negotiable for me.
As a certified therapeutic art coach, creative rest is by far one of my favorite types of rest, and TO ME, it goes hand in hand with spiritual rest. Creative rest may look like knitting, writing, baking, or painting for fun, not for funds. Literally choosing activities that are fun for “nothing”, that inspire that feeling of awe, imagination, and wonder. If you love to go to the water when you’re feeling sick and tired, you are definitely craving creative rest. Spiritual rest also looks like stepping away from the stress of life but looks more like actively moving toward something meaningful to you or just being held by nature.
So yeah, rest is not laziness, and honestly, you probably need more of it. It’s not something you earn, and maybe you’ve been exhausted because you’ve been sleeping while the other parts of you that need rest are running on fumes. Start small and pick one other type of rest this week, note how it feels, and see what changes. I’ll be here writing through all of it with you, the hard stuff, the integration stuff, and the shit in between.
Welcome to my informed, unprofessional, honest, creative, feelings-led, and I trust helpful journal!
Joy B. ★